if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
