No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
