He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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