3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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