Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
