Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
