He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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