can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have feelings that need drinking.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
