put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
