Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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