Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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