Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
