i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
