sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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