Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
