We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
