sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
