Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
