I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
