So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
