he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
