I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
