guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
