i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
