Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
