i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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