So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
