guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
