So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
