Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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