Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
