another moral hangover. fuck.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
