the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You made out with two different species that night
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
