forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
