any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
