it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
