My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
