I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
