just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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