Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
