I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
