Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
