24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
