Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
