Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She's the barista slut.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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