When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
