You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
