I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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