This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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