remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
