yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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